Chapter 10, Communication and
Relationships
The chapter on communication provided some
ideas for improving communication. Are any of these ideas helpful to you? For
the blog this week, make 1 post of 200 words or 2 of 100 words each. You can
also comment or expand on another student's posting.
You can describe how you plan to apply some of
the ideas in this chapter to improving communication with your children, boss,
friends or parents or anyone who is important in your life.
You can also read the scenarios below and
use your knowledge of personality type to suggest ways to improve the
communication. For a quick review of personality type, click on Do What You Are
on the front page of your portfolio on CollegeScope. You can comment on
one or more of the scenarios. Remember to think about personality type and how it influences communication as you write your comments.
Scenario 1 (E and I):
Mary and Carol are roommates and are
discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset
because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter
Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking
in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
Scenario 2 (S and N):
A sensing type and an intuitive type are on a
first date. What is each likely to talk about?
Scenario 3 (T and F):
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
Scenario 4 (J and P):
Students in a business class are assigned as a
group project to design a business plan. This is an evening class and has
mostly adults who have busy schedules with work, family and school. Mike is a
highly motivated student who wants to get the group organized and complete the
project quickly. Mike is getting irritated at John because he cannot decide on
a topic and get going. John keeps coming up with different creative ideas for
the business plan. John is getting irritated at Mike because he thinks that
Mike is trying to control the group. How can this group work together to
complete a successful project?
Based on what we know from the scenario Mary is more of a thinker and a judger while Carol is a feeler and a perceiver. I can understand why Mary would be upset because paying the phone bill late is a bad thing and they could possibly be penalized. On the other hand, giving Carol the benefit of the doubt she could have been caught up in some other problems to where she couldn’t have paid the bill on time. Otherwise, if Carol had been lazy and not prioritizing paying the bills, which is inexcusable, then Mary would have a good reason to be upset with her but it still would not warrant yelling. Carol most likely left the room because she probably felt like she was being attacked, based on this scenario it seems that Mary and Carol has opposite personalities, Mary is more assertive while Carol does not like confrontation. They are going to need to compromise if they want to solve this problem. Mary is going to need to be more understanding and a better communicator while Carol will need to take these kinds of situations more seriously, by wanting them to be resolved. If they can both compromise then this sort of thing will not happen in the future and things can go over in a peaceful and reasonable manner.
ReplyDeleteCarol is probably an introvert who needs some time to think before communicating. When faced with an angry extrovert, she will probably try to avoid the situation.
DeleteThis ideas are helpful for improving my communication with people especially my children..Each person looks at the world in a different way. The picture in my mind will not match the picture in their mind.I'm a thinking person that use logical arguments and quick to make decisions, once the decisions are made,I found it difficult to change them , which irritate my children . Also, I'm one of the judging types that schedule and plan the dates. When traveling I carefully pack our suitcases by using a list of essential items to make sure that nothing is forgotten. I'm as introvert often finds it difficult to start conversations or invite someone on a date. I like communication to be exact and sequential and want details and facts. , that my children don't like the details . I like to ask specific questions and want concrete answers. I'm as sensing types are generally on time for the date and get irritated if the other person is late, which annoy my children because they prefer to delay for everything. To be an effective communicator, it is important to be a good listener and speaker. Unfortunately, I'm a bad listener that make my children nervous. Now I'm focusing my attention on listening first and then speaking and try to change my attitude for better communication especially with my children .
ReplyDeleteI am also a judging type. I don't like plans to change one I make them either. Kids have such a care free attitude that they could not possible understand this. Also I'm sure they care nothing about details and just what the main point. I prefer direct answers and questions so there is no room for confusion. It is a great skill to be able to listen to your kids. And the more you listen to them, the more they will listen to you. Good Luck!
DeleteI can understand your point of view since I am an ISTJ. I had to learn to be flexible when dealing with my children and now, my grandchildren. It is so important to listen first and then communicate, especially with children. It is worth the effort to improve communication with those we love.
DeleteScenario 1: I have had several debates about bill paying with my roomates, but never ended up like this one. Carol needs to not just walk away from the situation but ask Mary to calm down and speak rationally. Mary needs to not yell, but simply state the problem she has with carol, and say she does not need to pay for the late charges because she did not pay it late. And if she needs Mary to due it next month so it is on time, she will.
ReplyDeleteCommunication it’s very important in our life. Everywhere and every time we make a conversation, we will need best communication with the people who we are talking with. I usually have problems with my co-workers and boss. Because I get angry very fast and I do not give them time to explain specifically what is the problem because I do not give them time to finish what they want to talk about. With the boss he knows me very well, so he knows I get angry very fast especially when he asks me to cover other employee , that’s make me cut the communication between him and me without even let him finish when or for how long I will need to cover up. I am very bad listener, but since this week after I read the lecture about improving communication, I start give people time till they finish what they would like to talk, then I start think about it, and I start talk about it. That’s really affect my relationships at my work, because I start being less angry than before, I know it will take time to get it, but I think in couple of weeks employee will start noticing I am being better in communication with the things that made me lose my communication with them.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great plan, Saif! Listening first can really help in communication.
DeleteThis chapter was very helpful in learning more effective ways to communicate. the problems I tend to have are not being able to say what I mean, I always try to solve the problems right off the bat and I'm working off of emotions at that point. So from now on I will be more mindful of waiting for 24 hours before I try to talk about the problems. The other problem I have is waiting too long to say something about what's bothering me, which turns into repressed feeling so when they do come out it's ten times worse than if I had properly addressed the issue. The way I put it is I don't have a back-bone I always feel like I'm going to hurt someone's feelings if I say what's bothering me and that builds up aggression. Learning to be more assertive without being aggressive is going to be the other issue i start working on. Being an ENFP in a world full of sensors and judgers is extremely tough. I'm always looking at the bigger picture while my friends and close ones are looking at the details and facts. I have a hard time making up my mind and setting schedules because I like things to remain flexible, which causes confusion and anxiety for most of my friends. I have tried to become better at planning and sticking to certain situations in order to accomodate others, which is turning out to be a win-lose so I will be looking into options to make it a win-win.
ReplyDeleteFeeling types usually consider other's feelings before speaking which is a good thing. However, you still have to express your own feelings so that you don't think that others are taking advantage of you. Good post!
DeleteScenario 3 (T and F):
ReplyDeleteCommunication is the key to a successful relationship and marriage. Making sure both partners are happy and are happy should always be a priority. Getting complacent in a relationship is common, and losing sight of what the other person wants is common. Both partners need to be effective at compromising, marriage is a lot of work and in order to maintain a healthy marriage there needs to be work to make sure you are happy, and the other is happy. If a little issue of saying "I love you" is being asked, be considerate, understand where they are coming from and understand it is a reasonable request. You would want the same courtesy if you had the issue of not feeling appreciated, so make sure you give the same courtesy back.
I agree with you, it's the action that counts the most, and if she wants to hear the words, then he should make sure to do it. Even though she may feel that he loves her, just hearing those words makes any person feel better and confident about not only themselves, but their relationship also. Marriage is a lot of work, and you don't want to feel stuck or not loved anymore just because of a few words.
DeleteScenario 1 (E and I): (Mary and Carol)
ReplyDeleteMary and Carol definitely have a communication problem on their hands. These two roommates need to talk about their differences and do some compromising to get along with one another.
Communication is essential for a positive relationship with your roommate. Mary has to make a conscious effort to avoid monopolizing the conversation. Carol can also improve her communication by making an effort to communicate and not retreating to her room.
This roommate situation is in dire need of some roommate ground rules. Mary and Carol should sit down and create a schedule of bills, expectations and responsibilities for each other. They also should agree on a neutral location to discuss issues when they come up. Knowing about “I” and “you” messages, as well as how we choose certain words, can help them to improve their communications. They should also start choosing the correct language that reflects their willingness to take responsibility for themselves and their relationship. They should incorporate the following chapter 10 tips for relationships;
1. Discuss problems as they arise. If you do not discuss problems, it is likely that anger and resentment will increase, causing a more serious problem at a later date.
2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints often do not work.
3. Be nice to your roommate and treat him or her as you would want to be treated.
4. Be reasonable and overlook small problems. No one is perfect.
If none of the above works it time for a new roommate.
I like your post because it shows a lot of common sense and also applies the concepts in the chapter. Good job!
DeleteI have been dealing with conflict resolution and have had experience dealing with clients where I need to apply the skills mentioned in this chapter. HOWEVER all my calm cool and skills seem to go out the window when it comes to my teenage daughter. She started public school (9th grade) this year and has been getting poor grades. This last progess report was horrible and her "oh well" attitude really struck a nerve. I didnt want to listen to her and this got us no where. I wanted to threaten with taking all the electronics away allowance etc. She started telling me how she was really trying to focus but just couldnt . A few years ago she was diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication. She stopped taking the meds and seemed to be doing well with out taking them. I calmed down a began to see the bigger picture , she was describing her ADHD causing her issues. She was not saying oh wel , I just heard that ! We took her back to her Dr and talked with all her teachers about the situaiton. It hs been about four weeks since she has been back on meds and we are seeing a difference!! I am soo happy I was able to listen to what she was trying to tell me.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good example how listening first can really help to understand the problem and resolve it. Good post!
DeleteScenario 1 (E and I):
ReplyDeleteCommunication can be improved easily. Mary is just upset but needs to be able to set aside her emotions to understand Carol. Carol cannot communicate with Mary because she feels overwhelmed by Mary’s loud talking. Mary just needs to give Carol time to explain herself and understand that she does not want to get into heated arguments. They can sit down and calmly and quietly talk about the problems they have. Carol will also be aware that sometimes Mary can’t help talking quickly and loudly because it come naturally to her Everything can be solved by them listening to each other and having a good idea of each other’s personalities.
Scenario 4 (J and P):
ReplyDeleteJohn and Mike can solve their issues by cooperating. John is creative and good at coming up with many working project ideas. Mike can help him get his ideas written down and organized so they can find the best one to commit to working on. If John can understand that Mike just wants to get the work handled and completed as soon as possible and Mike can understand that John is just trying to help by coming up with better ideas, then they can learn to take advantage of each other’s abilities and work together to do well on their assignment.
Saralina Carman
ReplyDeleteScenario 1 (E and I)
Good relationships begin with an understanding of personality differences.
Understanding and being respectful of other type of personalities other than your own will help become a better communicator.
Extraverts are energized by talking to people they have many friends, sometimes take over the conversation, in conflict situations they just talk louder and faster, they believe that an argument can be won if they can say just one more thing and want to talk about the situation right away.
Introverts are opposite of the extravert, introverts want to think before saying something, need quiet for concentration and enjoy peace and quite, they are perceived as great listeners, they often wish they could participate more in conversations they are reserved and reflective and like to think before talking.
Mary is an extrovert so she feels frustrated so she talks faster and louder something that an introvert does not appreciate.
Carol being an introvert gets quieter, so they both have to compromise, and be respectful of personalities, Mary need to pause and give Carol the opportunity to talk and not take over the conversation, and Carol need to make an effort to communicate and explain why she made the payment late.
Maybe Mary can learn to use an “I statement” and say I would really appreciate if next month we make the payment on the due date to avoid extra charges.
This post shows a good understanding of personality type and communication. Good job!
DeleteScenario 3 (T and F):
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
Although Jim may not see the importance in saying it anymore, Rachel is used to him saying it. I would assume that they had a great relationship with great communication. Coming from a guy, I can relate to Jim. After being in a relationship for a long time, I expect my partner to know how I feel by now. However, Rachel needs to verbalize how she feels. It’s a common stereotype but I am writing it in a joking manner. Men are Stubborn. Jim probably has no Idea that it is really bugging Rachel. He probably is assuming that she is just being needy, which she is, but it is very important to her, more so than he knows. Overall, as I already said Rachel needs to verbalize her feelings and make a big deal out of this. And in terms of Jim, he’s got a lot of work to do. If they have only been married for 1 year and he is already cutting down on communication, he is going to be in for a tough marriage. I know this is just a made up scenario and I have no idea what their relationship is like, but I do know from experience that communication can make or break a relationship, no matter how strong it may be.
Yes, this is a made up scenario, but it is based on many couples I have known in my life and also in counseling. You have some good insights on the importance of good communication to keep a marriage going well.
DeleteSenario 1: Mary and Carol just need to learn how to communicate better with eachother. It is already hard enough to have to deal with roommates and it can be very frustrating having to deal with their personalities, especially if the two people clash. Maybe writing down everything on a board that needs to be paid and the exact date of when it needs to be paid by will help them out. Talking instead of getting loud or getting rude to eachother they just need to understand eachother. Giving eachother time to talk about what's going on instead of just getting mad will really help out their living situation.
ReplyDeleteScenario 3: Jim being a thinker may have a hard time expressing his feelings for his wife and may feel that his would be stating the obvious. Thinking that marrying her is an obvious testament to his love for her. In my case being a thinker I have a hard time seeing someone else's needs especially if they involve emotion. Jim may need to try to be more receptive to Rachel's needs and understand that while he may not need to hear emotional expression she may. Rachel on the other hand should try to understand that while it is easy to for her to express her self and show how she feels it's not so easy for Jim and may need to be a little more clear when she needs him to be more expressive of his emotions or when it's time to turn off the brain. My wife and I have been in this situation early in our relationship and we came to the conclusion that understanding goes along way when it comes to apposite. I express my self more, in either gestures, like a note or a flower and she understands that sometimes, I just don't understand stand what she needs and that she needs to be more clear.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter helped me with my communications skills. I am a judger type because I like my environment to be structured and planned. I need my events to be in order so I know what is going on so I can relax. I make quick decisions and once the decision is made, I do not change it. I learned that its better to listen to what the other person has to say, and then speak. Its better to gather information so you know what you are talking about. Asking questions is very important to make sure you understand. You don't want to feel confused about the situation. When you listen, you are paying attention of what the person has to say and they recognize that you are striving to understand. You can not talk too much because the listener loses attention. It is not good to assume that you know something that you really do not know anything about. In important conversations, you have to turn off all distractions like TV or music. I learned that it is not good if you give advice because the person might lose trust in you. I learned a lot of stuff that will help me in the future.
ReplyDeleteSome of the ways that Mary and Carol can improve their communication is by understanding each others situation. When Mary sits down and speaks with her roommate she need to be calm and have all the shared bill and the due dates. I personality always send my bills out a week early if possible, I understand that not everyone is like that, and as we see Carol is not one of them. Mary need to let Carol know that it is very import for both of their credit to get the payments out on time. She needs to tell her that late fee's add up very quickly and she doesn't want to be held responsible for Carols late payments. They both need to work a plan out have board or calendar with the bills listed including the due date. Having a roommate can be very difficult at times but this is the person that you live with so they have to make the best out of every situation and stay positive. If by any reason Carol knows that she might be late she need to let Mary know that she will be getting paid in a couple of days and that she apologizes and as soon as she gets the money she will pay the late fee or she can pay Mary back. Carol cannot make a habit of this because anyone would get annoyed not just Marry
ReplyDeleteScenario 3 (T and F):
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
with Rachel being a feeler i can say that shes feeling that way because she needs to be consistently updated on her current relation with her husband. and with her husband being a thinking type i think that he truly does love her, but at the same time he just does not express the way that Rachel needs to see it. ways to improve communication id say is just to have Rachel give Jim his space until he sees the way that he needs to meet her half way. another way to improve communication is to have Rachel actually pull Jim aside and set some plans for them to actually catch up on their relationship 8 years is along time and i think that she just needs some time to actually get together for some reassurance.
Communication is a technique and not everyone can easily deal with it because communication has a lot of meaning especially today; today is the world of technology and communication developed to have a thousand branches, such as communication electronically throughout Emails, social medias like Facebook, Twitter, Skype, and many others. Communication has changed recently and now has improved to better I think because it expanded people to talk with strangers sometimes to make friends or it made people know how to talk better than before and passing the levels of shyness, and not having the ability to talk to people like before. Improving communication can be easily hard for some people who used to communicate in specific way in their long timing. Listening to people carefully without distracting them can be very easy to improve communication better, being patient to get to the main point of other person's conversation, and don't judge people while they are speaking to improve person's thinking positively about people's mind in general.
ReplyDeleteYou can describe how you plan to apply some of the ideas in this chapter to improving communication with your children, boss, friends or parents or anyone who is important in your life.
ReplyDeleteI am an introvert/extrovert, intuitive, thinker and perceiver/judger. I'm in the middle of either being an introvert or extrovert and perciever or judger. more specifically, I am an introvert who tries to be an extrovert and a perciever who tries to be a judger. I intend to improve my commincation skills by not talking too much at once, by not worrying about other things while talking to others, and not to make faulty assumptions. Secondly, I intend to improve my listening skills by Talking less, asking more questions, and restating what they say to digest their words better. Specifically to my boyfriend, I intend to communicate with him better by hearing him out more and considering what he has to say. When I speak, I intend to implement the "I"/"us"/"we" statements to him rather than "you" statments. These statements can also be applied to friends and my brother.
You can also read the scenarios below and use your knowledge of personality type to suggest ways to improve the communication. For a quick review of personality type, click on Do What You Are on the front page of your portfolio on CollegeScope. You can comment on one or more of the scenarios. Remember to think about personality type and how it influences communication as you write your comments.
I am an introvert/extrovert, intuitive, thinker and perceiver/judger. I'm in the middle of either being an introvert or extrovert and perceiver or judger. I am an introvert who tries to be an extrovert and a perceiver who tries to be a judger. I try to encourage myself to communicate with others and to myself in social situations but I tend to still hide in a shell and push others away. I prefer online talking on skype or texting so I have time to consider what to say because up front social situations outside is very intimidating to me. I intend to improve my communication skills by not talking too much at once, by not worrying about other things while talking to others, and not to make faulty assumptions. Secondly, I intend to improve my listening skills by Talking less, asking more questions, and restating what they say to digest their words better. Lastly, I intend to push myself to be be more outgoing and put myself in outside social situations rather than depending on technology to talk to others. Otherwise, specifically to my boyfriend, I intend to communicate with him better by hearing him out more and considering what he has to say. When I speak, I intend to implement the "I"/"us"/"we" statements to him rather than "you" statements. These statements can also be applied to friends and my brother.
I think Rachel and Jim should plan some quality time together in order to reaffirm their relationship. Since Rachel is a feeling type she’s more emotional and Jim being the Thinker is more logical. Jim should try to be more understanding of Rachel’s needs for emotional expression of love but Rachel should also try to compromise with Jim. She needs to comprehend that maybe he expresses his love in other ways. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. It is good that Rachel expressed her feelings to Jim so that he can understand how it hurts her feelings. Rachel should evaluate her marriage and think back to small things Jim might have done for her that she took for granted as a normal thing. I have had the same experience with my fiancé, we are the exact same way. He says that he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t love me and I’ve learned that when he does little things for me is an expression of his love. As far as doing things for me, something as simple as sending a smiley face text or washing the dishes can make a world of difference.
ReplyDeleteConsidering Scenario 1 as an example, where Mary and Carol are having a conflict over phone bill payment, we can make several comments on what to do and what not to do to be successful in communication. It was said that in Mary’s opinion, Carol was paying the phone bills late. This caused Mary to talk more, which caused Carol to become quieter, which in turn made Mary more upset. The reason they are in such disagreement is that there is a huge difference in their approach to confrontation and their energy levels going into it. Mary is highly aggressive and seems to attempt to resolve conflict by diving in head first. On the other hand, Carol seems to avoid confrontation, and Mary’s attempts to solve the conflict are being misinterpreted by Carol as trying to instigate further confrontation. The way that they could address this disagreement is by talking about the feelings that they are having as opposed to the bills, and finding out how they could peacefully come to a solution. There are so many ways to approach this same conflict, but there is only one way to come to the solution, which is to have respect for the other individual involved, attempt to put yourself in their shoes, and give enough space for both parties to express their own needs.
ReplyDeleteI believe that Rachel and Jim would be able to improve their communication by opening up to one another more often. It is great that Rachel is sharing her true emotion with Jim, because if she kept that bottled in it would hurt her a lot more. I would explain to Rachel that just because Jim doesn't literally say "I love you" doesn't mean he doesn't. Love isn't about how many times a day you can repeatedly say "I love you," but rather the amount of times you can see the love blinding you from their other person. All in all I do believe Rachel should take a look at her life with Jim and make sure she keeps communicating with him so they enjoy a long happy marriage.
ReplyDelete